Gratitude

This is my Gratitude Journal - every day I am supposed to write five things I am grateful for in order to remain focussed on life's positives.  I got the idea from a new (very inspirational and thought-provoking) friend on Facebook, Marike.

• I am grateful for inspirational and thought-provoking friendships.

The journal is a lined exercise book with a firm card cover, wrapped in a really soft cloth that snaps shut with a very satisfying way.  The pen is a Cross and has my name engraved in the centre.  My husband bought me both for Christmas.

• I am grateful for a generous and loving husband who knows not only that a pen and a journal will please me but also that having my name engraved on the pen and choosing a book wrapped in soft cloth with the perfect snap makes the difference between a wonderful gift and the perfect gift.

Did you notice that they are green?  I find myself suddenly smitten with green, he knows that too - it is a relatively recent love affair, but he picked it up quickly.

• I am grateful that my husband is quick to notice the new things that please me.

I am wrote in it two or three times in January and then I stopped because our cleaner moved it from its position next to my bed to a new location underneath a pile of books on my dressing table.  I am disappointed that - as so often happens with  resolutions and intentions born over the New Year period when change, growth and self-improvement is at the forefront of our minds - what was so enthusiastically and determinedly taken up was so quickly and carelessly forgotten.

• I am grateful that I have a cleaner, even if she is a bit rubbish sometimes.
• And I am grateful that I have a big pile of books on my dressing table - I may complain about clutter, but having the material wherewithal to have clutter to complain about is a blessing.

But failing to do one thing doesn't make me a failure and I am able to forgive myself.  I can start again, and again and (if necessary) again until this becomes routine or I can find other ways of being consciously and specifically grateful for the many good things in my life.

• I am grateful for the ability to forgive myself.
• I am grateful for the fact I have choices and I am able to recognise them.

The reason I raise this now is because on Tuesday I looked for the pen (picture above) that in a sense 'came with' the journal I couldn't find it, and for a short period I feared it was lost which was very distressing.

Stuff isn't important, but the meaning behind stuff is.  This pen in particular has a very powerful meaning for me as when Dom gave me the pen I was upset because I thought we couldn't afford it.  I find it very hard to accept expensive gifts - even modestly expensive ones like this.  Although Dom and I have discussed and dealt with my difficulty accepting gifts of value before it is one of those things that comes back and has to be rediscussed repeatedly.

So you can imagine the idea that I had lost this very precious gift was even more painful.

• I am grateful for the reminder that I have treasures that must be taken care of even if those reminders are painful.
• I am grateful that if the lesson needs to be repeated it usually is.
• I am grateful for Dom's patience.

But I found it, and - to cut a long story short - I am very grateful...

for friendships and inspiration
for a clean yet cluttered house
for the pen and my name engraved in silver
for the lessons in giving and receiving and losing and regaining
for the colour green and notebooks covered in soft cloth
for my loving and patient husband who thinks of details

I may even start writing in my journal again.